Rarely Asked Questions
&
Secret Fears
What if something comes up, like a memory or a situation, that I was not expecting, and I don't know if I am ready for?
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I have patience and time, all the time you need.
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We tap to reduce the feeling of that worry and fear.
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We do not go places you're not ready to go to. You're ready when you're ready. And you just know when it happens.
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I reframe your words - meaning, I use different words than yours to create more distance between you and the issue. You tell me if they resonate with you and correct me.
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I use methods that create emotional and mental distance to that situation.
I have been healing myself and I know exactly how it is to sit in the client's chair. I know what it means to feel fear towards memories, avoid them and overcome that. ​
Some people say, “my parents were good!” as if going to a therapy was to dig into some realisation that someone's parents were bad. Well, if you ask children of borderline parents, they are there to talk about their “evil” parent 😉, but…​
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The whole point of a therapy is to find peace for your emotional pain. To find out what the reason for that pain is, to neutralise its effect on you, to let it rest in the past, so that you can go into your life without 5 tones of bullshit on your shoulders. So that you can make your own choices, that agree with your very core and essence. So that you can make your own mistakes, that are OK with your “self”, learn from it and go on. The therapy is not about blaming, but being free of burden.
Do I have to dig deep already on the first session? Do I have to open up right away?
No. Some people can do that, others need more time. Your pace is my pace.
What if I am scared of going to a therapy?
I was when I went asking for help to those three psychologists and my EFT therapist.
Asking for help is difficult, and you have already taken the very first step. You are here 😃.
Keep visiting the website, read the FAQ, see my videos and follow my posts/podcast on Substack. Once you're ready, you're ready, you'll just know, and then you can contact me.
Will I ever stop reacting with frustration and sadness to toxic behaviour and sarcasm of an emotionally immature, unstable, narcissistic and borderline person?
As a person who has grown up with an emotionally immature, unstable, narcissistic and borderline mum, and an emotionally unavailable dad...
As a person who has been healing her childhood from 25 years of living and 36 years of contact with them...
As a person who has lived with an emotionally immature person two years after I started my healing journey...
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YES
I know that you can become unaffected by their childish, explosive, full of sarcasm and disregarding behaviour, needle-like words aiming directly to where it (should) hurts the most, once you have your own place, where you can get physical distance from such people.
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NO
I know that you still will be affected, to a certain extent, by their words, behaviour and energy, if you live with them.
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Why? Read here.
Why do therapists say, "It depends on you and your readiness to dig things up. It's different for each client. It's private." etc, when I ask, "How long will it take to heal?"
You'll find this question in my FAQ part of the website. But here, it'll be a different take on it.
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Great question! I asked that question, “How long will I take to heal?” to my therapist when we were starting. I got exactly the same, vague answer, as the one above 🤣. So, I made an unrealistic assumption: “A year! It's gonna take me a year. A year should be enough!” A big part of that assumption was that I am goal oriented, and anything without a prospect of a near deadline is difficult for me (and here I am, working as a therapist with deadline that don't exist 🤣). The second big part of it was the finances.
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The thing is that, unfortunately, the answers you get from a therapist, “It depends on you”, “It's different for each client”, “It depends on your readiness to dig things up” are true. 😉
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Let me tell you why. From my own personal experience and healing my childhood…
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HEALING
There are so many parts to heal… So many negative patterns of behaviour, decision-making processes, memories, realisations… Healing all of them at once is not doable. You go step by step, healing what you are ready to heal at the moment you are ready to heal it. In my case it was my memories of my childhood, parents, what they did to me, even what they didn't do to me. Then, I could understand better my social interactions, the reason to be attracted to “bad boys”, my little monster (AKA “hope”) that lived in my heart and wanted to be fed… And its hunger made me do things, spend time with “certain” people, ignore my boundaries etc, that would lead me to self-sabotage.
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When you heal, your body heals with you. Changes happen on levels of mind, heart, guts, body, spirit, subconscious, cells. You think that change happens only on your conscious level? That is the last step. All the change happens in all the invisible parts first. Once those parts are ready, your conscious thinking, decision-making, changes.
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THE CHANGE
This is the second reason why you get this vague answer. The Change.
If everything, every part of your body, soul, heart, guts, cells, mind, spirit, belief, would change all at once, on all the levels, in all the subjects that need healing, with all the people that ever hurt you… it would be such a shock to your being, your self, that I think you'd collapse. That's how I felt it.
Once I started realising how much I changed and been changing, I realised that it was impossible to do this faster, shorter, less painful. The change was taking place in the speed and amount I was ready for. If I wasn't ready to talk about one of the subjects, we didn't progress in it. That's so simple. Your body, heart, subconscious mind, guts, cells, spirit, soul know when it's the right time to talk and heal the right thing you require.
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This is what is so beautiful with EFT. The change happens on the inside, on the very core level… softly. You don't even notice it. It just slips into your reality, and surprises you. You, actually, surprise yourself with a different behaviour, feeling, reaction to the exact same situation where you had a nervous break-down before 😉.
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That is why, the answer to your “How long does it take to heal?” is, “That depends on you.” Each heart, body, gut, cell, soul, spirit, mind, emotion and memory, pain, hurt, grief, anger, reason, person from your past, situation needs a different time to heal and change.