Why do I choose to work as a therapist with adults Raised By Borderline parents
My mum had access to therapists, that she didn’t use, doctors, a loving husband. I had no access to therapists, doctors or a loving dad. I was on my own with it. Since I can remember. Since I was old enough to talk. Since I saw my mum chasing my sister with a hammer in her hand… Since my mum was threatening my dad with a separation and suicide… And that was our normal day. That was our “Would you like a cup of tea with this?”
I want to be the support for others. The support that I needed, but didn't have.
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Because I am one of the "Raised by Borderline" kids, and I know how difficult it is to find a good therapist. A therapist who has the capacity to listen to deeply painful stories.
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Because I know that there are people out there, who have been through the same shit as me and did not receive help. Whether it was because of the inability of their parents to seek help or the limitations of the people involved in their healing.
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Because they were never aware that one of their parents had Borderline Personality Disorder.
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Because there’s this way of thinking, “you have to understand them” when it comes to people who hurt us. We, adult kids, are expected to feel compassion, understanding, forgiveness for how we were treated our whole life by our BPD parents. (Forgiveness. That's an interesting subject.)
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Because, “a person with Borderline Personality Disorder can’t control themselves”, or “it’s so difficult for a BPD to work with a therapist”, or “their emotional pain feels as if their skin was on fire”. But how about us: Raised By Borderline? Adult children of BPD parents? There’s little compassion for us. Much of the conversation focuses on the struggles of the parent. Far less attention is given to the impact on the child. They have to deal with all that trauma on their own. They're the ones hearing, “You're crazy. You're overreacting.”
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Because Raised By Borderline (adult children of BPD parents) suffer in so many areas of their lives. They have been hurt in the very core of their essence, their existence. If you're interested in chakras, you might see the effects reaching every chakra, from the very beginning of life.
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Because Raised By Borderline tend to find themselves in unsafe situations, with unsafe people. Can often be victims of sexual abuse, discrimination, bullying, experience social isolation, toxic relationships… They struggle with saying, “No!”. Someone told me, “Yeah, but we all experience some of those issues in our life at some point”. But adult children of BPD parents experience not one, but a bunch of them. Not just once, but on a regular basis. It’s as if you pulled yourself out of one hole, just to fall into another one, a worse one.
I believe what allows me to help in this area is my experience of living with a borderline parent, surviving it, and healing from it. Knowing that healing is possible, what the process can look like, and how difficult it can sometimes feel. I know how it is to sit in each chair: the child, the adult, the victim, the client, the therapist. I have the capacity to listen, relate, and offer support without becoming overwhelmed or burnt out. (The kind of therapist I aim to be.)
I am here to help other adult children of borderline parents, so that they can find the help and support they need. So that they can love their lives again.