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More Examples of Behaviours Indicating That Your Parent Might Have Been Emotionally Immature, Unstable, or Have Had Borderline Personality Disorder

Need for constant reassurance

Explosions of uncontrollable, intense rage

Impulsiveness

Threats

Narcissism

Own reality

  • everything is either black or white for them,

  • emotional manipulation and blackmailing feels like their greatest skill set,

  • ​once they get into the state of utter anger and rage, it seems as if pure evil had taken over their body and mind; you fear them,

  • excessively using medication, food, alcohol or sex,

  • they say that everyone hates them, is against them,

  • it seemes that they just knew your weakest spots, things that mattered most to you, and knew exactly how to drive a needle into the heart of it, just to hurt you,​

  • you feel that they make you suffer, so you'd suffer with them,

  • you are a subject of sarcasm on a daily basis,​

  • you feel as though they make you pay for every single mistake, but they never take responsibility for their own actions,
  • when you stand up for yourself, you are expected to apologise for telling them off, they never apologise for anything,
  • they are never wrong; everyone else is,

  • they adjust every situation to their point of view, which could change depending on what suited them that day,

  • you feel as though you were going crazy becasue you are not able to distinguish reality, from their imaginary version of reality (their point of view is the only true one),

  • you doubt your own gut feeling and sanity,​

  • you can hardly recognise your parent when being in public, suddenly they are kind and polite to everyone, keeping appearances, leaving you feeling lost and confused.

I write “might have” or “it's possible” as I cannot give a diagnosis.

Did you also cry when reading books about emotionally immature parents or Borderline Personality Disorder? I did. I cried because I felt the emotional pain of my mum. I felt sorry for her—not for myself.

Despite everything you had read, and despite recognising that your parent may have had BPD or was emotionally unavailable, it might still have been difficult to believe. Perhaps because no one ever talked about it in your family?

Or perhaps because you still blame yourself for your parent's lack of happiness? 

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