What is therapy about?

Some believe that once they’ve done the work - once they’ve healed - they shouldn’t have certain reactions or feelings anymore. And when they do, they feel discouraged and that they failed themselves.  But this is one of the most common misunderstandings.

The nervous system doesn’t just stop responding to cues. Healing is not about becoming perfect and getting rid of every feeling that comes up when a borderline parent or any other person put you through it again: disregard your boundaries, insult you or humiliate you.

Therapy is about creating a whole new relationship to the trigger and pain, not „not feeling anything.” It is about learning to function without being overwhelmed or shutting down. Recognising your trigger, seeing your reaction, and learning to regulate yourself during a conflict, for your own clarity.

We each have a window of tolerance -  a place where processing, healing and growth can happen. People who have suffered trauma have a smaller window. They can more easily get pushed outside it, and their reaction is more intense, harder to control, and hurts more. Trauma narrows that window of tolerance. Therapy is to widen it again.

Healing is not measured by whether the feelings disappear completely, but in change of intensity and recovery speed.

How do you measure the change:

• Does it hurt as intensely?

• Does it last as long?

• Can you stay present through it rather than swept away?